Yes, attendance has been slowly improving of late, but I think the team could do more to draw the fans back in. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time (i.e., the first period of the Jackets-Nashville game), and I have some suggestions.
- 1. Fans need instant gratification when the Jackets score three goals. Instead of making them go to Wendy’s the next day for chili, use the cannon to spray the arena with chili.
- 2. Now that Hope Taft’s reign of terror has ended, restore practice of selling $7 beers to underage patrons.
- 3. Replace Cozy Cat’s Kiss Cam with Ceiling Cat’s Watching You Masturbate Cam
- 4. Follow practice of OSU football team by scheduling regular season games against in-state rivals like the Lake Erie Monsters, Cincinnati Cyclones, Bowling Green Falcons, Mahoning Valley Phantoms, Upper Arlington H.S.
- 5. Remake roster by hiring legendary players like Gilmore Tuttle, Andre “Poodle” Lussier, Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken, and Ogie Ogilthorpe.
- 6. Free Tim Horton’s coffee in every drink holder. Everyone knows it has nicotine added to it to make it addictive…
- 7. Burn a couch at center ice after every win.
- 8. Replace IGS Energy Blimp with Doug Maclean pinata.
- 9. Every fan who buys a ticket to a game against Detroit is allowed to beat up one Red Wings fan without ejection or prosecution.
- 10. Outdoor game on Goodale Park pond. During Comfest.
Don’t worry about paying me royalties, Mr. Priest, I’ll settle for season tickets in club level..